It is with great sorrow that we announce Glorguumax, inter-dimensional plasmic eyeball mass and esteemed editor-in-chief of this newspaper, has been vanquished by adventurers; he was 15,693 Ashrafan years old.
Formed out of celestial morass and a titan’s bile, Glorguumax spent his formative years percolating consciousness in the swamplands of Kordin Muul. An early encounter ingesting a traveling scholar and his small library led to a millennia-spanning interest in the written word. “No matter how much more I ingested,” he said in an interview 139 years ago, “those initial manuscripts always remained – to my mind – delicious beyond compare.”A
After his teenage years, Glorguumax wandered for centuries picking up odd bits of literature and art from manuscripts and slow scholars he encountered. Eventually he began to yearn to make something of his life and set his many sights on higher education. Lacking well-defined appendages, he ruled out trade school, and so he transferred his nebulous form to the abyssal swamp of Peth, matriculating at the Kollegium Mak’Tokh.
It was in college that he learned to read manuscripts rather than ingest them. After the initial discomfiture, he became an exceptionally fast reader; having thirteen eyes and decentralized processing brainules allowed him to read half a dozen books at once. After graduating, he accepted a position as a proof-reader at the Abyssal Times, where he served in a variety of roles for nearly nine centuries, eventually working his way up to assistant editor-in-chief.
Glorguumax accepted the role of editor-in-chief of this paper in 815. For over two-hundred years, his rigorous standards and eyes for detail transformed this paper from gossipy local tabloid to nationally respected broadsheet. Over his lifetime, he accumulated hundreds of press awards, including thirteen Hanover awards for Journalism which he deemed “too prestigious to engulf.”
He is survived by three species of intelligent eyeball-goo, over one million astral slimes, and Susan – the bitch in human resources.