For the past tenday our town has been overrun by so-called religiously inspired pilgrims, traveling here for the vernal festival of Talath. Every year we must pander to bibulous men and profligate women wandering our streets, befouling our greens, and crowding our inns and hospitals – all so they can take place in the disgraceful drunken orgiastic Vernal Bacchanalia. And each year more arrive! Since the peace of 1016, the amount of travelers here for pilgrimage increases every year. And every year these reprobates become more and more audacious in their deeds. Twenty years ago it was rare to even spot one in town, as they camped on the priory grounds. Now, these self-determined nature lovers spend all their time in town, crowding us out of our shops, pubs, and public places. Oh, “What truth beholds the actions not intentions,” of these faithful indeed!
What must befall our fair burg for the council to act? How many houses must be urinated on in the dead of night by these animals before they take action? How many young minds will be turned from right and true paths to wallow in wantonness with these wanderers? What fine virtuous families will see sons draped over rum tuns as dawn breaks and find their daughters shamefully slinking home from late-night rendezvous with hibernan tempters?
Why just yesterday, followers of Talath – who supposedly honor flora – violently yanked my newly potted pansies from their ceramic vessels in order that they might create terracota helms and crowns.
Walking away from the flowers now fading, they claimed they were the ‘Lords of Hiberna,’ and provided neither consolation nor restitution. The town council must enact strict limits on the number of pilgrims allowed through the town gates, charge higher tolls to reimburse townsfolk for losses, and initiate curfews to curb outrageous behavior by outsiders.
Froia Berylsmith